I haven’t been able to write lately, and it’s making me more than normally stressed out (which is, frankly, saying a lot). Oh, I can write crap for work or for class, but my pen falters when I try to write for myself.
A few months ago, I read the book “This I Believe”, which is a collection of personal belief essays, in conjunction with NPR. Some were funny, some poignant – but all rang true. Of course, it made me think about what my core belief is. What do I believe? What is the one belief I hold as true?
At my previous company, I had the privilege of taking a leadership development class with an amazing psychologist, Dr. Marla Sanchez. She opened my eyes in so many ways, put me on a path towards being a better, more authentic leader and changed the shape of my career and life goals. She also gave me a gift by way of an exercise that I still use every day. She taught me how to craft a personal mission statement. Here’s mine.
This is what I believe in. I believe in the power of connections – authentic, heartfelt connections.
I spent a lot of time thinking about this core belief without picking up my pen, about how different connections feel to me, what they mean, what they have done for me, why they encompass my core belief.
A few weeks after I read that book, one of my close friends from elementary through high school died after a battle with cancer. She and I hadn’t been close in years – Facebook friends who would get together in a group of other high school gals every year or so. But I still loved her, her kind heart, her generous smile and quick laugh. At her services, we all cried and hugged, but I kept thinking, “She’s the first of us.” Such a loss and yet, just the first – these girls, who I loved and who shaped my teenage self, that are now women – one of them be next, or maybe I will be. But if I had loved them that much, why hadn’t I stayed connected? Maybe heartfelt connections aren’t at my core? Maybe I’m lying to myself? I can’t write lies like that – and so now I couldn’t write.
Two conversations with two different friends took place last week that made me think about those connections again. Both conversations were very different in tone but held a truth about relationships – “Sometimes they are for a reason and sometimes for a season – but that doesn’t mean they aren’t real and true and important and impactful.”
Authentic, heartfelt connections don’t need to be forever to be true. If you’re lucky, some are – friends who become forever family and family that you love more because they’re also friends. But you’re also lucky if some don’t stay forever – because all connections shape and change you in important ways. And maybe if they had stayed, you wouldn’t have changed.
I believe in the power of connection.
A hug from friends I haven’t seen in too long.
A kiss on my mom’s cheek after family brunch.
Laughing until my sides hurt because my sister and I both are having an ADD day in the middle of the damn grocery store.
How my babies’ heads felt, warm and trusting against my heart at 2:00 am.
My college boyfriend flinging a spaghetti noodle against the wall of his shitty trailer when he made me dinner for the first time, as we laughed and fell in love.
My 6’3″ son flinging his legs over mine on our little blue love seat while he tells me weird history stories.
My daughter searching for me as she emerges from backstage after a performance and smiling as I catch her eyes.
Grabbing a much-needed drink with my girlfriends and downloading nonstop over our too-busy lives.
My husband sending me a picture of our daughter in her Halloween costume tonight because he knows that I’m sad about missing her last high school trick-or-treat.
My former CEO reaching out to see how I’m doing with my son back at college and my daughter in her final year of high school.
Bubble time with my BFF about everything important and nothing important that heals my heart and feeds my soul.
I believe in the power of connection – whether that lasts for a season or a lifetime. And now I believe enough to write again too.