Today is my 50th birthday. It feels like any other day, albeit one with abundant well-wishes, some lovely presents, and a dinner that I didn’t have to make.
Ten years ago, I DREADED my birthday – I wanted nothing more than to hide under the bed with the dust kittens (dust bunnies made from almost solely cat hair – an unholy travesty due to my poor housekeeping skills), mourning my “lost youth”. But, a few years ago, something shifted. I no longer feared getting older – I started to love it. I truly felt like I was getting wiser (though I’m sure a lot of people would argue against that statement…). I love my growing fearlessness, especially as it comes with a reduction in perfectionism, my lifelong arch-enemy. I miss my red tresses, but I love my wild, white mane. I miss my sweet babies, but, my gods, do I love these young adults that they are becoming.
Earlier this year, 50 started to feel like a cliff, so I made a conscious decision to change that. Thus, the 50 list that this blog is set out to chronicle – the blog itself being a way for me to learn and grow. Now 50 feels like an open space instead. It feels like a place to grow and learn and travel and be…me.
So, today I started my day very intentionally. Several months ago, I booked a beach house on Chincoteague Island (my family’s long-standing and much-loved summer vacation spot) for our family Thanksgiving trip. I knew that today would be spent packing up and driving home after a few slow and lovely days spent together.
But I wanted to start my 50th year watching the sunrise over the ocean – with my toes in the sand and water. My favorite place. By myself. Just breathing and being. A pause and a meditation. A spell of sorts…
I wanted to begin this year as I mean to go on – intentionally, thoughtfully, with a grateful, peaceful heart, and an inspired mind.
And whenever possible – with my toes in the sand and water.
